


A Family Cat-astrophe

by Maeple, TheDemonShipper



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Abandoned Kittens, Annoyed Yuri, BOXES, Chris is to be avoided at all costs, Comedy, Crack Fic, Damn elevators, Hotels, JJ is oblivious, Love-gazing™, M/M, Naming Ceremonies, Otabek is a man of few words, Phichit is not ok with this, TONS of irony, VictUuri, Warriors References, and a percy jackson fan, lying, milk and beef jerky in french vending machines that somehow take american currency, otayuri - Freeform, sarcasm™, selfies in swim trunks, why the fuck does he have american currency, yuri is totally a warriors fan
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-16
Updated: 2017-06-19
Packaged: 2018-11-14 16:37:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11211990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maeple/pseuds/Maeple, https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheDemonShipper/pseuds/TheDemonShipper
Summary: It was just any other competition day…. Until he spotted the kittens, that was.





	1. Damn Cursed Elevators

It was just any other competition day…. Until he spotted the kittens, that was. 

 

Yuri had unpacked his suitcase in the hotel room already, and he had arrived early enough to have freetime. Usually, he would spend it practicing, but…

 

It was the Trophe de France, and he had never been in the country before this Grand Prix series. Victor, of course, was favored to win despite his age, and Katsuki wasn’t far behind, although he would  _ love  _ shoving it in their faces when it was  _ him  _ standing 1st place on the podium. 

 

Anyways… away from his own ranting, there were many things he wanted to see. Normally, he wouldn’t go around a city he didn’t know on his own, but this was a much different… situation, one might say. 

 

Yuri locked his door behind him as he headed out. He pocketed the room key while he strolled down the hallway toward the elevator. In his mood, he pressed the button repeatedly, impatiently waiting for the damn thing to come up to the second floor. To his horror, when the elevator finally opened… 

 

Jean-Jacques Leroy stood there, typical snide smirk spreading across his face as his eyes landed on the blonde. 

 

_ No no no. Not this jerk. This must be karma, I’m sorry elevator!  _ Yuri had been hoping to never see him again, only if he had to when he was standing  _ above  _ JJ on the stupid podium. Since Skate Canada last year, he avoided the prick at all costs. 

 

“Hey,  _ Yurio _ ,” the ravenette greeted. 

 

He simply glared. Maybe if he glared long enough he would go away.  _ But no,  _ of all people JJ was the one who just couldn’t take a hint. 

 

“Looking forward to having you in second again,” JJ said before stepping out, the metal doors sliding closed behind him with a small  _ ding.  _

 

_ Oh great… there goes my escape.  _

 

Yuri found it infuriating to  _ still  _ be much shorter than the idiot. He had grown two inches the past year, mind you! He was determined to  _ not  _ end up short, so he took to stretching many times a day, just a plus of practice. 

 

But he had never felt as short as he did now, with JJ standing  _ right next to him. Oh my god someone kill me now.  _ Despite being only two inches below him, the way the man seemed to  _ look down  _ on everyone made him seem just that much taller. 

Yuri clenched his fists and narrowed his glare further, wishing him to scram before he regretted not punching him (but then again, that would lead to disqualification). Before he could put the thought into action, however, the elevator opened again, and there came Phichit, scrolling through whatever was on his phone before lifting his gaze. 

 

“Oh… am I interrupting something?” the newcomer asked, eyes innocently flickering from one to the other. 

 

“No, not at all!” JJ chortled, slugging his arm around the Thai skater as he stepped out. Phichit smiled shakily and glanced uncomfortably toward Yuri, who was already way ahead of him. He had slipped through the metal doors as JJ started rambling about whatnot to poor Phichit. The doors had already closed before the Canadian realized he was gone. 

 

Yuri let out a sigh of relief and stood in the corner, pulling his black hood over his head as to not be recognized…… When he realized he had pressed the wrong damn button and was going  _ up,  _ not  _ down.  _

 

He totally did not curse loudly and kick the wall in his frustration, the annoying elevator music doing absolutely nothing to help his mood.  _ This damn elevator… Who do you think you are, causing all these fucking problems?  _

 

He thought the elevator was through with its troubles, until it arrived at the third floor, that was. Because behind those equally problem-causing doors stood the worse possible people to show up at that moment.

 

Katsudon and Victor stood there, too busy doing their sickening love-gazing to notice him, much to his almost-relief, coz their staring made him want to vomit. He even made a gagging motion for good measure, even though no one saw it… 

 

The elevator ride down to the first floor was awkward for him, to say the least. Yuri stood cautiously in the corner, eyes flickering suspiciously toward them every five seconds. But nope, they were apparently too busy trying to express their love by…. Looking at each other? He rolled his eyes and blew his bangs out of his face.  _ This is gonna be a loooong trip down.  _

 

After what seemed like forever (but was probably only like two minutes) of being trapped in a confined space with the lovers and an elevator with awful taste in music ( _ Please don’t take  _ this  _ personally too. I swear, you goddamn piece of metal _ ), those godforsaken doors slid open with another small  _ ding.  _

 

Yuri was tempted to give his thanks to the heavens for no more problems (oh dear he probably just jinxed it) as he  _ finally  _ made his way out of that cursed (gosh dangit) piece of metal. 

 

People milled about in the lobby of the hotel, which was decked in soothing shades of beige and white. Chris was checking in at the front desk, seemingly flirting with the poor lady there…. And then it hit him.  _ Chris.  _ Of course it just  _ had  _ to be him. 

 

Yuri then didn’t care if Katsudon or Victor saw him, he made a mad dash for the exit. And he would’ve kept sprinting if he hadn’t almost tripped over a plain brown box pushed to the side of the hotel building. 

 

He gasped when he saw the contents of the box. 


	2. Kits and Unexpected Pool Guests

 

Things were going strangely, even before he declared war on elevators. 

 

Inside the box were five kittens and their mother. The mother was a completely black cat with amber eyes peering up at Yuri. The kittens squirmed and stepped on their siblings as they attempted to climb the box. 

 

The first kitten Yuri noticed was white with black spots along his back and tail. The second was a beautiful tortoiseshell with splotches of black, white, and ginger. The third was a cream tabby with mackerel stripes and white chest fur. The fourth was a tuxedo kitten with white paws. Finally, the fifth was pure white with blue eyes. 

 

Yuri’s expression softened. “Aw…” he cooed. Did these kittens have a home? Probably not, considering on how they had been placed in such a horrible box and tossed to the side of the road… Well, he couldn’t just  _ leave  _ them there…. A horrible animal abuser could just walk by and snatch them up! So he would just have to take them in. For now, of course… 

 

Carefully, he lifted the box. The mother hissed and drew her tail protectively around her kits, giving Yuri a piercing stare. He made a shushing noise and held out his hand for her to sniff; she accepted the gesture cautiously, her black nose barely grazing his hand before she pulled away in disinterest. 

 

Yuri was almost to the entry of the hotel again when he realized…. There was no way the hotel would let him just carry in these six kitties. Sighing, he murmured an apology to them before closing the lid loosely. Well, there was nothing left to do except try as casually as he could to smuggle them in. Temporarily, of course. Although….. Naw, he already had a cat… The blonde scowled and glared down at the box (nothing personal to the cats now). 

 

The Russian reentered without any problems, but when he thought of that damn elevator again….  _ Um. I think I’ll take the stairs.  _

 

A few gave him weird looks, but otherwise it went smoothly as he reached his floor. He readied himself against the railing and peered down the hall to make sure there was no JJ…. or anyone else he knew, for that matter. 

 

Yuri groaned in relief when he fucking finally made it back to the stupid hotel room ( _ oh no, please don’t curse me like the satanic elevator did _ ). He had had enough for one evening. Gently, Yuri put the box down toward one of the corners of the room and opened the box again. Three pairs of eyes looked up at him, their siblings too busy bothering their mother. 

 

“Now, let’s get you guys fed soon… You look big enough to eat soft solids… Too bad I didn’t bring cat food with me this time…” the blonde grumbled. Don’t even question it. So what? He snuck his cat in a couple times… Not the end of the world, even if he did get caught the first few times. 

 

Yuri’s phone vibrated in his pocket. Massaging his nose, he fished it out of his black jeans.  _ Let’s see which one of those idiots is bugging me now…  _

 

**Otabae: Did you know the hotel has a pool?**

 

Yuri did not. He blinked. Um… and how had he failed to notice this extremely important detail? Well, he could always blame Yakov for not telling him, he meant, he  _ was  _ the one who sorted out everything… 

 

**Yuri-Plisetskitty: Yea , y?**

 

Okay, so he lied. But he wasn’t about to tell Otabek that. 

 

**Otabae: Did u want to go swimung?**

 

Yuri knew Otabek was nervous. He always used correct grammar, except when he was nervous or in a mood (hey, it happens, however rarely). 

 

**Yuri-Plisetskitty: im down**

 

He stole a glance at  his the cats. Sasha, his cat at home, would welcome them… No. This was only for the competition, and after he would turn them over to a shelter. 

 

**Otabae: Meet you in ten?**

 

“I’ll feed you all after, promise,” Yuri said, stroking the cream tabby kit. 

 

**Yuri-Plisetskitty: sounds good**

 

He hummed quietly, glancing back to the kits once in awhile (every five seconds) as he stripped off his clothes and tossed them in a pile on the floor and slipped on his swim trunks (hey, he could be prepared when he wanted to be) and slung a towel over his shoulder. 

 

He followed the same routine, checking his hair really quick before locking the door behind him…. Except no more elevators. Just no. He had now declared war upon all elevators. He would just take the stairs instead.  _ Ha! That’ll show them.  _

 

When he made it down to the lobby, another problem occurred. 

 

Yuri didn’t know  _ where  _ the pool was. Ugh. Well, he could just look around… Asking for help was out of the question. He would look like that one idiot who got ready for everything before realizing he had no idea what he was doing.  _ You are, though,  _ a voice in the back of his mind chided. 

 

He pretended to know what he was doing as he picked up a random magazine (as casually as he could in swim trunks) and sat down in front of the direction board. He opened it and looked up to the map of the hotel. As he realized the pool was behind the main building, someone in front of him commented snarkily, “Didn’t know you were into that.” 

 

Yuri blinked and looked to the person. A man stood there, with blonde hair and a mustache…. And those all too familiar hazel eyes.  _ Chris. _ He was pretty sure his jaw dropped and his face heated up a bit as he looked down to the magazine he was holding… 

 

“Cover Girl” stared up at him in big pink letters. 

 

“Um…. What do  _ you  _ want,  _ jerk _ ?” he growled, crossing his arms over his chest and glaring at Chris, pretending to be unbothered by the current situation. 

 

“Oh, nothing… Just couldn’t help but notice your impeccable taste in magazines,” Chris said smoothly, giving him a smirk. 

 

“Fuck off,” Yuri hissed. 

 

“If you say so,” Chris added with a flirtatious wink. 

 

“Go. Away,” he said through gritted teeth. 

 

The older man pouted. “Fine, fine, guess the kitten doesn’t want to play…” 

 

Yuri stood rigidly before storming away, almost forgetting for a moment where he was going.  _ Otabek. Pool,  _ he reminded himself. 

 

_ This day is not going very well for me.  _

 

When he fucking finally made it, Otabek was lounging on one of the pool chairs, one leg thrown carelessly over the other. 

 

“It’s been fifteen minutes…” 

 

Yuri huffed and sat in the chair next to his friend’s.  “Mila was… being Mila,” he lied. Once again, he wasn’t about to tell Otabek that. “Anyways, why’s the pool open at the beginning of November?” he changed the subject. 

 

Otabek didn’t reply, only shrugging. Very much a man of few words. 

 

“And why did you want to go swimming at such a date and time?” He truly wondered as to why in Hades’ realm they were swimming at 8:00 pm in November. 

 

Once again, no reply. 

 

Everything was going peacefully, because they were pretty much the only ones crazy enough to go swimming, so of course, they had the pool to themselves. They dipped their feet a bit, but it didn’t go much further than that, with idle chat and somewhat warm seats in the setting sun. Until….

 

“Aww, it’ll be fine, Yuuri! Swimming will help you relax; I doubt there’s anyone else at the pool right now…” Victor’s voice was heard from the other side of the enclosed area. 

 

Yuri groaned and laid back in despair, letting his head hit the back of the cushioned chair with a soft  _ fwump.  _

 

“Oh… H-hi, Yurio!” Yuuri greeted when he finally noticed them. “O-Otabek…” 

 

“That’s not my name,” Yuri huffed. 

 

Victor gave one of his heart-shaped smiles. “It is now!” The teen rolled his eyes and was about to tell Otabek he was leaving when a force shoved him aside. He fell, flailing, into the water with a big  _ splash.  _ When he resurfaced, he spit out water and pushed his hair out of his face. He glared at the culprit, who so happened to be standing in the spot Yuri was once in. 

 

“Victor, you asshole!” he screamed and attempted to splash water at the other Russian. He indignantly scowled and began to swim to the nearest steps. When he got out, shivering, he made sure to whack Victor with his towel before hugging it close to himself. 

 

Then he saw Otabek. And his phone out, recording the whole thing. Yuri’s face flushed red with embarrassment. He ducked his head into the towel and pretended to dry off his hair. 

 

“Douches,” he muttered. Victor gave him a questioning look as if to say,  _ What now?  _ Yuri smirked. He had spent his Junior competitions at Skate America picking up American insults. 

 

“Well, I need to feed my-- stomach,” he was about to say  _ cats,  _ but they didn’t need to know about them. 

 

“Umm… okay..? It’s rather late to be eating….” Victor furrowed his eyebrows in concern. 

 

“...Have a problem with that, old man?” he said defiantly, lifting his chin to look intimidating. As much as one could be soaking wet, and infuriatingly shorter than the Russian Legend who had won so many more medals than him. 

 

Victor didn’t reply, just switching his attention to his  _ beloved  _ Yuuri, fretting over him and whatnot. Yuri rolled his eyes before waving to Otabek, who stoically returned the gesture, completely forgetting about the recording as he worried about his kitties--the  _ kitties,  _ he corrected himself. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eyye dont worry Yuri shall get his revenge... hehehe
> 
> Those cats shall cause lots o problems tho  
> I should make a prophecy out of this... 
> 
> Five kittens shall doom us all  
> For room confusion down the hall  
> Broken doors and shattered plates  
> For there is a painful concussion that awaits
> 
> umm so if u wanna scream at me for how ridiculous that was or anything else on tumblr.. find me @underthemapletree
> 
> ~Twin S


	3. A Proper Naming Ceremony

He was totally capable to name things. Or so he thought until he actually put himself to it.

Upon getting back to his room, Yuri then remember something important… Hmm. There was something he was supposed to do….

Then his eyes landed on the box in the corner. 

Oh. 

He sighed loudly and facepalmed. Of course, out of all the obvious things to forget… It was the cats. Emphasis on the. Not his. Totally not. 

His plans had been to grab milk from… wherever he could. Probably from the breakfast bar, although it was nearing 9:00 pm… Hey, if Yuri could sneak cats into his room, he could probably also sneak some milk in. 

I mean, milk doesn’t move or meow… How hard can it be?

Oh shit. He probably just jinxed it. He slapped himself before turning right on his heel and heading back out the door. As he passed the elevator, he couldn’t help but glare at it. So what? He glared at other things all the time. An elevator was a perfectly good candidate, or at least he told himself as he snarkily strutted to the stairs instead. The stairs were much nicer anyways. And the elevator had horrible taste in music. Nothing could excuse Justin Bieber’s horrid voice. Or so he thought, like how he thought it was simply inexcusable to pull your pants up that high or let them hang down like off your butt. It was one thing to have form-fitting clothes, but-- Oh my gods. I’m turning into Chris. 

That internal monologue of his had been long enough to take him all the way down two flights of stairs and into the lobby, where the same lady at the front desk gave him a weird look that seemed to say, What the heck are you doing in swim trunks down here at such an hour? 

Yuri gave her a glare back that he hoped said, Feeding six hungry cats. What else would I be doing? At least you’re a better candidate than the elevator. 

The lady tilted her head and gave him an even more weirded out look. She shrugged liked, Oh well just don’t break anything. That would give me extra paperwork. And trust me, neither of us would enjoy that, and returned to messing with her dark hair. 

The Russian reached the breakfast bar with only passing about five people on the rather short way. The side-room seemed moderately spacey, with rows of three tables each to one side while the breakfast bar part was on the other side. As for food, nothing was out. Well, what’d you expect? Breakfast at 9? He mentally scolded himself. 

He looked for something -- anything, with milk really. A fridge, something somehow miraculously left out, a cow… He thought he actually spotted one, out of the corner of his eye, before he realized it was some kid’s drawing on a table. He huffed. Gods, I think I need help. I’m seeing cows from drawings! Ugh. I’ve had enough cows for one day…. Trust him, Yuri would know. On the way from the airport, they had passed a field with maaany cows. As a joke, Mila had mooed at them… The cows seemed to have become triggered and angrily mooed back before charging at the car, but luckily, they were stopped by the rather weak fence in the way…

He shook his head. That was one more memory he didn’t mind forgetting. Hah. That was ironic. Mind forgetting. 

The blonde scavenged for… well, now he would even settle for orange juice. He supposed if Sasha could drink it back in Moscow, then the other cats could. And mind you, he didn’t give the orange juice to her (well… not really), she simply claimed it as hers, and as any faithful servant, he let her have it. 

He sighed. No milk to be found in the breakfast bar. Well, there was at least one more place he hadn’t checked yet… He was pretty sure he saw vending machines in the lobby… Did he even have money on him? No, the more important question should be: did they even sell milk of all things in one? Hey, who knew. It could totally happen. Just like how he found $10 worth of coins in his swim trunks’ pocket. 

Hmm. That seriously made him question how and why. 

Then the next foolish thought was had he left coins at the bottom of the pool? Well, if Victor or Katsudon found anything, he could always ask for it back…. But then he would have to explain, and that wasn’t something he was particularly fond of. Coz, as usual, they didn’t needa know. 

Upon arriving to the vending machines, his wishes had been granted. Thank the gods! They actually sold milk…. In a vending machine. As well as beef jerky…. Would the kittens even be able to eat it? Oh well, at least the mother could… Wow, he really needed to give them names. Guess he would just do that when he got back… if he ever did, coz really how much time did this stupid monologue take? 

He used his miraculous $10 (Yes, in American currency. Only TheDemonShipper knew, no, seriously, she did.) to pay for said milk and jerky. The lady in the lobby glanced at his newly bought items and gave him a questioning look, Uh. Milk and beef jerky at 9:30? Oh forget the time, why do we even have those in vending machines in France?

Well, at least now he knew how much time his monologue took now. 

Yuri shrugged, I should be asking you this. But he supposed it could have also looked like, why not?

Taking the stairs, of course, back to his room was the least of his worries. Because when he opened the door… 

Four kittens were in the middle of the room, play fighting. Or he assumed that was what it was… They had gotten into the pile of clothes he left on the floor and scattered it everywhere. So it was no longer a pile, but simply clothes. 

The Russian sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Right when I come back with milk… Oh, and jerky. I didn’t forget about you…..” he was about to say a name or something, but then he realized that he didn’t really have names for them. Huh. He should probably change that. 

Yuri loved naming things! Then he realized that Warriors must have corrupted his brain because all the names he could think of ended in -kit. Oh wow, so that was also why he called them kits apparently. 

Well, if he just took away the -kit… then the names didn’t make sense. Spark? Ember? What kind of shit names are those? 

Okay, so maybe he didn’t love naming things now that he couldn’t think of any good names. 

The kits’ completely black mother had been following them around, like a shadow… Ooh, Shadow. That was a good name! Right…? 

He cleared his throat. He knew it was silly, but hey, he couldn’t help himself. “I, Yuri Plisetsky, leader of …. Um… IceClan, call upon… Uh… Otabae to look down on this apprentice. She has learned your ways and followed your code, and I welcome her as a full member of IceClan. Mother cat, from this day on, you shall be known as Shadow.” 

Yuri looked to the rest of his kits. “Uh… Kits, step forward.” Of course, none of them did so.. Oh well. “Do you promise to uphold the Warrior code and defend your Clan at all costs?” There was a small squeak from one of the kits wrestling on the floor, so he took that as an I do. “Shadow, step forward. You are caring and… patient, and I hope you’ll pass these qualities down to your … kits.” 

He pointed to each of them as he gave them names. First up was the cream tabby. “You shall be known as Berry from this day on!” 

Oh, he was totally not having too much fun with this. 

He pointed to the tortoiseshell. “You will be Tawny!” 

The white kit. “And…. um… Snow.”

The tuxedo kit. “Uh……” What could one name this? “....Tuesday!” Uh, it was Tuesday, right? No, it was actually Monday… Damn it. Too late now. 

The splotchy kit. Yes, that was a good description, a splotchy kitten. “And Ink!” 

He felt much too proud of himself that night. So much he decided to take a selfie. Yes, still in his swim trunks because he looked fabulous. 

Oh, before he forgot again… He poured the milk into a small bowl thing he found and left some of the jerky out on the floor before flopping onto the bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow. Sooo. Yuri is a hardcore Warriors fan.   
> And totally doesn't do what I do with my cats.... um.... ehehehe. ^^;  
> If you want to yell at me to stop being such a dork my tumblr's @underthemapletree
> 
> Omg. So while typing the part about triggered cows, Kayla was naming the kits.... And this is what she put xD  
> Shadow~ Black momma   
> Snow~ White child  
> Berry~ Cream child  
> Ink~ Splatery white N black child  
> Tuesday~ Le black child with a white chest  
> Tawny~ The black, white and Donald Trump child  
> I can't even. I'm so sorry. 
> 
> Six kittens to name and care  
> Lol I love this new ship its a cute pair  
> My anklet is digging into my skin  
> Will Yuri now start saying "foxdung" and "kin"?

**Author's Note:**

> Wow guess wut he found :0  
> 


End file.
